Smt. Shobha Srinivasan
Date: Jan 2nd 2023
Question: What is my purpose?
Yes, I know. This is a big question, right? As we grow in experience and wisdom, our purpose keeps evolving. But at any given point in life, there is a mini purpose and the more we get clear about it, the better our learning experience is.
Musical Experience
When I decided to take a break from my job as a computer software engineer and come back to music to teach kids, I had lots of questions within me. From my childhood onwards, I had seen that usually music teachers take students, who have, some musical sense and everyone always mentioned that music is a gift and that not everyone can sing. So, I also had the same thought that not everyone can sing. Music is either there or not and that sense cannot be developed. At the surface, we may not see the harm that these kind of belief systems do, but I was forced to think about this because I was not in the music circle when I was working for computer firms. So, no one knew me and there were already extra ordinary and dedicated teachers in Bay Area who were training students in Carnatic Classical Music.
As I started to participate in musical gatherings and shared about my profile, people started to come and asked if I could teach their kids. Very few of them could repeat the Sapta Swaras in perfect Sruthi and many of them could not. The parents also did not have musical background which made it very difficult. Here I was who wanted to teach music but was having to work with those who did not have the perfect musical sense according to my belief system.
I started to think and I also wanted to really know how can I teach music to those who are really interested to learn music, but may not have yet developed the musical sense. When the parents started approaching me and sharing how much they loved music and wanted to learn but could not and wanted their children to learn, I wished I could help them.
Then I attended my daughter’s school program. This was in the Bay Area. What I saw amazed me. My daughters' entire class was there and this pianist was on the piano and the entire class sang in unison and it sounded so so well. Not a single apasruthi. How is this possible, I thought. I am sure not everyone in the class would have that musical sense but how was everyone able to sing in such unison. I have seen school programs in India before but only select students would be there in a musical performance, not the entire class and that was the point that made me think.
It was the pianist who was giving the leads that was helping the students to follow and be on track. That was one big clue for me.
It changed my belief system from “music is a gift” to “music can be nurtured” till it becomes a gift. When belief systems change, at that moment, one may not be even aware of it, because you are in the trial mode because of some observation.
When one starts experimenting and seeing results, then one comes to conclusion as to how one belief systems can tie oneself down.
I also started to experiment with asking the students (those who could not get the Swara Sthanams right) to listen to Sarali Varisai for months together and then see them again and to my amazement things did change most of the time in those who actually practiced (listened to) it with dedication.
Connecting the dots….
In life, the way we show up, the way we respond, has to do a lot with our belief systems. It takes time and sincere effort to dig into layers of these belief systems to know why we respond in a certain manner. But when we explore this, we really need to be careful to not get pulled into a blame game and look always at what is serving me now and what is not.
Mary O’Malley in her book “What is in the way is the way” categorises these spells into the following.
Foundational Spells
“I am separate from Life”
“Life is not Safe”
Operational Spells
“I must control Life”
“I must do it right”
“I am not doing it right enough”
Hidden Spells
“Because I am not doing it right, I am wrong”
“I am unlovable”
“I am all alone”
She says every hurt or every fear of ours arises from one of these spells and if we dig deep enough, it comes to one of the foundational spells.
Practice
When I get fearful or doubtful or irritated or upset (during or asap after the incident), I have the choice to
a. Take deep breaths and calm myself down
b. Check what is my expectation about the situation and what is the situation. I can only get irritated or upset if these do not match. I cannot ever get upset if they match.
c. Check what underlying belief system drives my expectation for the situation to be in a certain way.
d. Really pin point the belief system. For e.g., if I become defensive about myself or my child in a parent teacher meeting, if the teacher is bringing up some difficult points to discuss, the underlying belief system could be - I am 100% responsible for my child’s personality and behaviour.
e. After the first layer of belief system is identified, I can check if there are sub layers.
f. Then I can sit with the belief systems and see what I have to hold on to and what I need to let go of
g. Use any of the tools like meditation or affirmation or consideration or visualisation or whatever is your practice, to let go.
As always, with more and more practice, we get better and better.
See you in the next episode with yet another musical experience and life lesson.